It's been awhile since I last blogged.. But since the last time i did till now, i feel like a whole new person!!!
Nope, i didnt go on a trip or met a new guy..Eh wait, in fact i DID meet a guy! This guy has changed my life soooOOOOOoo much that i feel like a brand new person ever since!
Im soo excited that it's sometimes difficult to get to sleep at night. I wake up excited too! I suddenly can wake up at hours in the MORNING which i previously would curse and swear before i'll leave the bed. Im still very much a night person but now the mornings are not moments that i dread to see anymore.
I feel so alive. I hardly get bored. I got all these energy within me which i never had just a month ago!
Im soo glad that i got to come across him. Im so appreciative that i was at the right place at the right time. Im so glad that i put aside all fears and went ahead for it.
Because now, im starting to feel whole. Im starting to see meaning in life. True meaning. I probably understand myself now more than i ever did in the past 24years! And im so appreciative for that!
Just so that i'll appreciate this more, i must mention that just about a month before, i was in the lowest moments of my life. Not the lowest low, but one of the lowest. I felt sooo unfulfilled in my career, so unhappy with my health. Nothing was going right. Family, friends, financially, colleagues..Everything!
In fact just before the change happened, i met up with a sec sch friend. I was feeling sooooo bloody low that day im not sure if she felt it, but i felt like such a failure there after. Nothing special happened during the dinner but i felt like i lacked the energy and enthusiasm that i had in the past.
The feeling of being a living 'dead' is sooo painful and torturing that i now never want to return to it. EVER! Once again just so that i can remember this deeper and never fall back to it,i want to note down how bad i was before. Not so to wallow in the misery or gloat about where i am now, but so that i can compare between how bad it was and where i want to be and grow to improve further. To be more thankful and grateful for what i recevied.
One of the reasons why i didnt blog for quite some time was because i felt so lost in life. In fact, i didnt do anything i was supposed to be doing properly for quite awhile too! MonthS! Yes, i made the calls. I went for my appointments. I recommended accordingly. I was basically just going through the motions. And after months and months of that, it sort of just killed my emotions even more. I was aware and even put it as my MSN nick 'Going through the motions,kills emotion.' But i didnt know how to get out of it. Or rather wasnt looking hard enough to find out how to get out.
But without having to make this entry into a book, i was basically at my lowest low. I didnt want to meet up with my old friends much cos i didnt want to lie to them when they asked 'how's things?' Cos most of the time, the standard answer should be "Ok". But i waSNT ok. I was feeling bad. No, terrible!
Of course there were occassions during that period which sometimes made me happy for a few days. But that happiness never did stay for more than a week. At 24, i felt sooo old inside that i was probably ready for the retirement home.
That is why im so grateful that after sooo long, i finally feel as if im able to 'breathe' again. Like there IS a meaning to life after all! It's been 3weeks now that i've been feeling this way. And these 3 weeks have been the longest period of time that i have felt sooo blessed and at peace in the last 1 year.
At times I get so afraid that i will lose this feeling and all will return to the way it was previously. But deep down i know that all i need is within me now. As corny as that may sound, i now have the knowledge to stop myself from self-destroying. It's only the challenge of putting all that knowledge to use when the occassion arises.
I know to some ppl 1 year isn't
that long to be unhappy,but when u're 24, 1 year is almost like 10years at age 40. Ok, that probably didnt make much sense to most people but to me, that 1 year killed me spiritually,mentally and physically. And that hurt like crazy!
Gosh, now all i feel every day is gratitude and a great sense of thanks to just be able to do the things i do. Make the choices i have. Life isn't all that difficult once you look past the itsy bitsy inconvinences after all!
Who said life isnt a bed of roses? You can either choose to feel the pain of the torns or smell the wonderful scent of the roses and be content despite the pricklings. Most people just tend to focus on the pain instead!
And no! Im not delusional or have decided to be contented with having less. In fact, now i want soooo much more but i don't go kicking myself in the butt or murdering myself mentally to achieve it as i did previously.
I know what i want and the way i should go about achieving it. I won't lie and say that in the past 3weeks, there werent moments when i felt anger or was upset or frustrated or unhappy. But now im able to break out of that pattern soo much quicker than before that i got surprised the first time tt happened! hahah..
So once again,i must say how grateful i am to have come across him. Seriously. I am sooo grateful for his passion and love for what he does! Im so thankful for the spark he created during those 4 days that has now blossomed into this fire that is burning within.
I really look foward to the day that I can say this to him in person. Thank you soooo much for your passion. Thank you for doing what u're doing the way u're doing. THank you for being YOU. Thank you, Tony Robbins. Thank you, Coach (if I may call you that)!
Though i do not have the financial ability at this current point to see you in Date with Destiny 2010 in bali, im gonna do everything in my power to get myself there. I just hope the seats don't run out before i get the funds! =s Just sooo hungry for the knowledge you have to share man! =)
Till then, stay happy my friends! Life is full of opportunities! EXPLORE!!
